Gwen Thomas of Vacaville, CA.  Gwen is a 19-year old, soon-to-be, first year college student.  I first encountered this young woman through reading her blog Permanent Issues – with a caption that says a mouthful…”i’m learning to live with em’”

It was Gwen’s blog, that made me want to see how much more there was to her.  Simply put – she has a way with words.  One look at her blog, and you will agree.  This young woman, even with all life has dealt her, is on her way to great things.

The Interview:

1.  When I read a blog post about your mother a while ago, it sounded like there is a situation between the two of you. Did she raise you? Is the relationship estranged/strained?

My mother is a drug addict, or once was…or still is. I don’t know. We don’t talk, I have never seen her. She gave me up for adoption when I was born.  My father has spoke of her and said that she is nothing like the person she once was nor does she look the same.

2.  How is your relationship with the family that adopted you?

She is such a beautiful little woman.  My biological grandmother was good friends with her, so her and my biological mother,a asked her to adopt me.  She has been there for me through everything and I couldn’t have asked for a better support system. She has never treated me anything less than as her child. In a lot of similar situations kids aren’t treated with the same love, or given the same attention, as the biological children, but this wasn’t the case for me. In fact, it was the total opposite.

3.  Obviously, you have endured your share of life’s struggles.  Do you give credit for any particular ones for contributing to the person you are today?

Yes, I have been through my share. Uhm, the obvious adoption was a hard one to swallow. I am also a victim of rape, as well as abuse.  I turned to cutting and starving myself as a result of my inner turmoil.  I went through bad breakups, a lot of drama, and just everyday growing up. In my opinion, any number of these things can either break you down or build you up. They broke me down – so now I’m building myself back up, and it’s a work in progress…I am a work in progress.  But I am/will progress.

4.  Wow.  That’s traumatic.  Rape and abuse.  What happened exactly – if you don’t mind talking about it.

At the time when the incident occurred i didn’t want to say anything out of guilt.  I felt dirty, wrong, used, all the above, so I held it in and it in turn, festered into anger, pain, depression, and a total emotional rollercoaster.   I felt like it was my fault for being at the party, taking a substance i didn’t know anything about when in actuality the ‘friend’ I was there with wasn’t a friend.   She went off and did her thing and left me with somebody i didn’t know.  It wasn’t a high-pressure situation at the time, just a little kickback.  That is, until the drugs were introduced into the scene.  I felt like it was all for the sake of a good time.  I’m still haunted by the fact i don’t know how many people did god knows what to me or how long I was where I was.   I just remember coming to and voices asking if I was okay.   My privates were hurting and my pants were off.   My shirt was okay but my underwear were nowhere to be found…still a mystery.   I never went to a doctor either.  I always thought I should have, but never did.  I just prayed everyday nothing was wrong with me – that I hadn’t been given a disease or pregnancy.  A few months ago, for the first time, I went through a rough time because I had a ovarian cyst and was hospitalized for a week and had surgery.  Thankfully, while going through all that they ran every test you could think of and I hadn’t contracted anything nor was I pregnant.  You live and learn and boy did I Live and Learn!

4.  I’m very sorry to hear that, but happy to know that you emerged so strong from it all. Do you have people close to you that have helped you through those times or have you had to rely solely, on Gwen when overcoming your obstacles?

It’s weird because I’ve always had a lot to say…until it comes to me.  In some of those situations, I spoke on it – and in others, I said nothing.  It just depended on how bad of a toll it took on me and how much of it I could hide.  The situation with the rape, I held in.  I didn’t tell anyone about it until a few months ago when me and my older sister were having our usual talk and she opened up to me about something that happened in her life.

5.  Obviously, you have internalized a lot of the pain that you decided to remain silenced on.  Let me ask you.  Do you have a circle of friends that you allow into your space? If so, what attracts you to those particular people?

I am such a loner. I can admit it. I do have one friend and she’s been my best friend for 7 years now.  She is the most amazing person to have ever been created. As I’ve grown, I have cut a lot of people out of my life and they have done the same to me. It has been for the best, I feel because people I used to be friends with wouldn’t cut it these days for various reasons. I’m not anti-friends though and am always open to making new ones! However, at the same time a friendship is a relationship, so like a relationship, I have my standards.

6.  Has having your blog served as an outlet at all, and do you recommend blogging for young women?

Absolutely!  I use my blog for everything, honestly.  My feelings, opinions, rants, the works.  I’m not close to many people so I write as if every post is a conversation with a friend.  It works two angles, really.  1) If you just want to escape or 2) if you want to feel connected.  Since I am one of those people that feels like I’m never understood and that my thoughts are too far-fetched for anyone but me to understand, it really did become an outlet.  All of a sudden, people started listening – or should I say reading, and it feels good.

7.  You are very intelligent, articulating yourself extremely well in everything I have been curious enough to read by you ::smiling:: Where does that come from?

Thank you very much.  Since I was younger my mom has always read to me and I would always read out loud to her. Looking back on it, a lot of the time, I don’t think I gave her much choice. Personally, I have always enjoyed articulate people – the way they put their words together and how it has the power to capture a person. So when I got old enough to really be able to listen to certain musical artists and read certain books, I was able to appreciate, as well as differentiate, between the good and bad.  That’s when I decided I wanted to be like the good, where I would take a little of that special style and make it my own.

8.  How important is education to you?

Very…at least now it is. Throughout high school i didn’t apply myself very much. I actually hated school. I would rather sleep in and show up later. I think if school started at 11 then i would’ve been a better student ::laughing::  I did manage to maintain a 3.0 GPA and when I begin college this fall, it will be much better because I realize now that education is what you need to make it in the world – and more importantly, to really utilize the gifts God has blessed us with, individually.

9.  You seem very grounded in your thoughts, Gwen.  Who are the people you look up to and why?

My mom and older sister definitely, because they are strong, single parents, and beautiful African American women. They have the biggest hearts and are so smart. my nephew, Lamari and cousins Thornton and Simon show me every time we talk and hangout the type of rare, good men, that still exist within our race and the world. These are the people that keep me sane at most times and give me the stimulating conversation i need to function. a lot of laughs are in there too!

10.  Do you have any contact/relationships with other siblings or biological family members?

Well, my family is very larger.  Altogether, including me, there are over 17 siblings. I would love to say we are all close but that is not the case. I do know most of them and I often communicate with them, but I’m closer with some more than others.

11.  You and I talked, pre-interview, about how hard it is to talk about ourselves, but if you had to describe yourself, how would you break down your character? Another way to answer that is to say what those who know you would say about you.

Hmm…I’d have to say – in a word… Complicated! LOL! There are so many different parts of me that if on different days one person was to see me and talk to me about a certain topic, and by chance, five of those people somehow met and the topic was me, there is a chance that none of them would agree on who I was as a person…Intelligent.  Fun.  Oh yeah, laidback is in there too!  LOL!

12.  What do you love about yourself?

My diversity.  It makes me open-minded and easygoing, which is good when you deal with people – and shop! LOL!

13.  What do you dislike about yourself?

I have a bit of a temper and can have very short patience, but I’ve been trying to work on it so I hope I’m getting better.

14.  What do you feel been your greatest accomplishment? That “it” thing that makes you proud to be Gwen?

My personal growth.   I am comfortable being who I am and confident in the newfound me.  It’s taken awhile and I’ve made many mistakes along the way, but im digging on the new Gwen.

I want to say “thank you” very much for granting Babygirlz its very 1st “In the Spotlight” interview, Gwen.  I sincerely, appreciate your candor.  It was a pleasure.  Wishing you the best of luck in all that you do.