Many of us have been there. Regret­ting the time we lost our vir­gin­ity. Regret­ting the per­son who we lost it to…the sur­round­ing circumstances…everything. But in that moment of ner­vous cop­u­la­tion, we cross over to another world, and we can never go back. Or can we? The answer is yes. Yes, you CAN take back your virginity!

Through­out my years of being a youth men­tor, I’ve come across a num­ber of teenage girls who har­bored guilt, shame and regret over los­ing their vir­gin­ity. Some told of instances where the expe­ri­ence was not at all plea­sur­able, and to top it off, the guy involved told all his friends. Now the girl feels embar­rassed, and she can’t even say that she enjoyed los­ing her vir­gin­ity. When the next guy shows inter­est in her, she’s guarded. She decides not to have sex with him. But sur­pris­ingly, he throws the past in her face, “You can have sex with him, but you can’t have it with me?” She reluc­tantly gives in. Here begins a ter­ri­ble cycle. A cycle of objec­ti­fy­ing one­self based on the wants of guys…complying with sex because, “I’ve already done it, every­one knows, I may as well keep doing it” or “It makes the boys like me.” Don’t be caught in this tan­gled web of self-destruction. It can only lead to lack of self-confidence and emo­tional dis­tress. Allow­ing sex into your life is already an emo­tional feat. You are in no con­di­tion to con­tinue to be faced with life­long, adult issues. Remem­ber, sex can lead to more per­ma­nent things, such as preg­nancy or sex­u­ally trans­mit­ted dis­eases and infections.

Here are 3 tips to Tak­ing Back Your Virginity:

1) Get up right now and find a mir­ror to stand in front of. Say the fol­low­ing aloud:

Today I am absti­nent. I abstain from hav­ing sex.

If a guy approaches me about hav­ing sex, I will tell him that I am abstinent.

I will not have sex again until I feel 100% ready.

I will only have sex on my terms.

If I should lean towards allow­ing a guy to dic­tate my sex­ual behav­ior, I shall remem­ber this day, and the pledge I made to myself.

Should you lose your­self and go against this pledge, repeat it. Repeat it as many times as you need, to under­stand its power.

2) Tell the guy you’re cur­rently dat­ing, or the next guy who comes into your life, that you’re absti­nent. If he doesn’t under­stand the con­cept (or pre­tends not to), explain to him that you have made a choice to not have sex. If the two of you are seri­ous, ask him if this will be a prob­lem. If he answers yes, be thank­ful that you didn’t have sex with him. He doesn’t appear to be the type to stick around any­way. If he answers no, don’t be flat­tered just yet. It could be a ploy to get you in bed faster by gain­ing your trust. Also, keep in mind that while he’s telling you he’ll wait, he could be get­ting sex­u­ally enter­tained else­where. On a pos­i­tive note, you could have just met that won­der­ful guy who respects your deci­sion, and is will­ing to wait. Either way, you’ll have a good learn­ing expe­ri­ence. You’ll learn to dif­fer­en­ti­ate between peo­ple who are good to have in your life, ver­sus peo­ple who are not.

3) Tell your friends you have decided to prac­tice absti­nence. Even if it’s some­thing they choose not to do them­selves, you’ll grow more con­fi­dent just explain­ing to them your rea­sons for mak­ing that choice. Be pre­pared for the haters who will try and con­vince you that you’ll be “miss­ing out.” The truth is that most adult women have never expe­ri­enced an orgasm dur­ing sex. The sta­tis­tics may be even greater for teenage girls. Your friends are most likely con­fus­ing atten­tion from a guy as sex­ual plea­sure. Also, don’t doubt that their neg­a­tive atti­tude may be derived from a place of envy. Envi­ous of you because you took a stand and chose to be absti­nent. You never know…they may secretly want to make that choice too. I would invite them to come along. There is power in num­bers. Hav­ing a group of friends sup­port­ing one another in absti­nence is a beau­ti­ful thing.

When you decide that absti­nence is the path for you, know that you are chang­ing the course of your life. If you are suc­cess­ful in this pledge, you will one day look back on what could have been, and you will be thank­ful for your strength and courage. Choos­ing absti­nence is some­thing to be proud of. Be pre­pared for all the pos­i­tive feed­back you will receive. Be pre­pared for that silent (and some­times vocal) respect from your peers — includ­ing guys. Be pre­pared for a stronger, more con­fi­dent you.

Pre­pare to take back your vir­gin­ity! You can do it.

Writ­ten by, Ninha Fer­reira